The signs as stuff people in my creative writing class have said

Aries: God bless A-FUCKING-merica.

Taurus: Turn off the music, Mae, we′re trying to pray to Steve Bushemi.

Gemini: Hey, here′s a new rule: shut up.

Cancer: I′m gonna go rescue that bird.

Leo: I′m always a slut for being a slut.

Virgo: No swearing in my classroom.

Libra: Marshall is triggered by pasta.

Scorpio: Who else likes to sodomize Jesus?

Sagittarius: How am I going to get into the NFL now?

Capricorn: I HATE 13th century France.

Aquarius: Don′t kinkshame Emily Dickinson; she′s not here to defend herself.

Pisces: We can′t scream while Sarah′s here.