Aries: I′m gonna go listen to EDM and masturbate
Taurus: but like, why take tests when you can like, learn?
Gemini: why would you NOT do every drug currently in Cuba?
Cancer: I′m gonna need a cake and 6 bottles of wine
Leo: I′m definitely gonna die but like it′ll be fine
Virgo: dolphins are the only people who really listen
Libra: anyone got a book on sexually socializing?
Scorpio: bananas. Just. bananas.
Sagittarius: WHAT THE FRICK FRACK SNICK SNACK TICK TACK-
Capricorn: well butter me up and snort me like Coke
Aquarius: no guys it′s fine (she then fell down the stairs on a surfboard, dislocating her wrist)
Pisces: *walks into a beauty store* ANYONE GOT PIE?